Existential Crisis

It’s like I can’t seem to help myself, my mind wanders and then instantly I’m there. I never planned on venturing down that road, but one step leads to another and I’m so close that there is no point turning back so I press forward. I’m drawn to it. I should have learned by now to let it go & walk away. I’m not certain if it is my desire for knowledge, curiosity or a sixth sense. Somehow everytime I keep hoping that I’ll prove myself wrong, but I don’t…when will I learn?

just when you think you’ve got things figured out, you’re starting to make sense of what life has placed in your path and you seem to find a clearing in the foggy haze of life–SURPRISE–

i’m not saying that all surprises are bad or un-welcomed, but COME ON!!! I know I’m just complaining and there are so many things in my life I should really just be in the holiday spirit and be thankful for, but I can’t.  I need to bitch and complain because if I didn’t then I’ve be subjecting you to a surprise and you really don’t want that either.

sidebar: i’m drinking a really great bottle (yes, bottle) of wine.  Moscato (my new favorite because it’s light, sweet and smooth going down) FYI the Asti version happens to be all bubbly & like a little celebration in a bottle.

with that i’ve already forgotten what i was complaining about. probably because i’m on my second glass….so take that!

I’ve relocated. It’s almost official. As official as it could get because I’m living and working in New Jersey, but I won’t change my license or anything because insurance is cheaper in PA. So much has changed and still so much is exactly the same.  I have so much to say and yet, I don’t want to say anything at all so that I’m able to just live in the moment without spending too much time reflecting and planning.

This is an amazing city with great history and beautiful architecture.  Every time I walk downtown I see another building I’d love to renovate.  So much is happening to bring this city back to the splendor of it’s past.  I want to get involved. We’ll see how it all pans out…

Yesterday was my maiden voyage on the Sus Bus. Yes, that’s the name of the vessel. The pontoon boat owned by my friend & her sugar daddy of a darling husband. I’ve come to realize that I don’t need to have everything myself, I just need access & that I now have. As we cruised along the marina, up the western & northern branches I was reminded of how beautiful the Central Susquehanna valley is. We dropped anchor along the river & jumped in for a dip. Somehow we’d parked next to a rope swing & I wish there were video of the debauchery. I have my 1st injury with a cut from the river rock, but it was well worth it. I wondered why I had not experienced this river more through my childhood. I know that being born on an island, where the water is a dark blue, choppy and sandy at worst & clear blue and calm at best I’ve been a bit apprehensive about dark greenish water. Now, I’m in it to win it. I won’t think about the loch nest monster that may be lurking in the depths or the river snakes or the odd assortment of animals that reside in & utilize the river. I’ll just jump in when it’s hot, cruize along to enjoy the view & swing off of ropes tied to trees for some added excitement all while enjoying the company of my dear friends-fellow Sus Bussers.

I don’t pay as much attention to the politics of my homeland. I probably should, but today was election day I have heard that the political system is wrought with corruption and excessive abuses of power. I’m not surprised, but listening to the commentary from newscasters about the elections I am inclined to learn more. The political atmosphere has a direct impact on the social structure and since I’m studying the sociology of the caribbean as written in contemporary literature it necessitates an understanding of the politics. Guess I have some studying to do.