Existential Crisis

I’ve relocated. It’s almost official. As official as it could get because I’m living and working in New Jersey, but I won’t change my license or anything because insurance is cheaper in PA. So much has changed and still so much is exactly the same.  I have so much to say and yet, I don’t want to say anything at all so that I’m able to just live in the moment without spending too much time reflecting and planning.

This is an amazing city with great history and beautiful architecture.  Every time I walk downtown I see another building I’d love to renovate.  So much is happening to bring this city back to the splendor of it’s past.  I want to get involved. We’ll see how it all pans out…

Yesterday was my maiden voyage on the Sus Bus. Yes, that’s the name of the vessel. The pontoon boat owned by my friend & her sugar daddy of a darling husband. I’ve come to realize that I don’t need to have everything myself, I just need access & that I now have. As we cruised along the marina, up the western & northern branches I was reminded of how beautiful the Central Susquehanna valley is. We dropped anchor along the river & jumped in for a dip. Somehow we’d parked next to a rope swing & I wish there were video of the debauchery. I have my 1st injury with a cut from the river rock, but it was well worth it. I wondered why I had not experienced this river more through my childhood. I know that being born on an island, where the water is a dark blue, choppy and sandy at worst & clear blue and calm at best I’ve been a bit apprehensive about dark greenish water. Now, I’m in it to win it. I won’t think about the loch nest monster that may be lurking in the depths or the river snakes or the odd assortment of animals that reside in & utilize the river. I’ll just jump in when it’s hot, cruize along to enjoy the view & swing off of ropes tied to trees for some added excitement all while enjoying the company of my dear friends-fellow Sus Bussers.

I don’t pay as much attention to the politics of my homeland. I probably should, but today was election day I have heard that the political system is wrought with corruption and excessive abuses of power. I’m not surprised, but listening to the commentary from newscasters about the elections I am inclined to learn more. The political atmosphere has a direct impact on the social structure and since I’m studying the sociology of the caribbean as written in contemporary literature it necessitates an understanding of the politics. Guess I have some studying to do.

I just downloaded the wordpress for blackberry app. Why didn’t I do this before? Why didn’t I know this existed? Oh well, why isn’t important, because NOW I have it. This means 1) I can blog from everywhere so 2) you have more to read and 3) there is a possibility that the quality of my content will decrease (I’ll try to avoid this)

I’m so excited about this.

if i were to see a psychologist i might be told that i have a superhero complex which causes me to seek out relationships where i can save someone.  it’s true.  i feel like i have to save everyone.  i’m maternal and protective and in some instances i really do try to save people.  i’m not a superhero-not even close.  i have to stop trying to make everyone and everything better.  it’s wears me out.  i’m exhausted from these gravity defying feats, these superhuman skills and this expectations that my tank never runs dry.  i completely understand why evil sometimes overcomes because being good all of the time is draining.  not that i’m going to change and be bad.  i’m still going to be good, i just can’t be everyone else’s good.