Existential Crisis

i seem to have strange experiences every time i decide to leave the house after 10pm…this past saturday night was no exception.  i agreed to meet some friends from high school at the meeting place. upon arrival i was distracted by the country/rock band playing, but i went in anyway.  i was greeted by an obviously drunk woman who remarked about my being black as i excused myself past her to get to the back patio.  i sat-evaluating my surroundings (looking for the nearest entrance in the event of a brawl).  i should probably also mention that i stood out not only because i’m not white, but because i’m me.  yes, that means i show up at the bar in 5″ gladiator heels, cream organic cotton skinny jeans, a long white tee and a denim vest with my curly hair in a wet french braid under a cute hat.  so…even if i were not the 2nd darkest person there (thanks ness for being the darkest) i kinda stood out.  back to the story so i sat and she walks up to me and begins a diatribe prefaced by her statement about not being racist which included statements like “for a black girl you’re beautiful” and “i’m sure you think you’re fat cuz you can’t fit into misses sizes, but black women are big and that can be beautiful” as if she’s an expert because she sits in her trailer all day watching daytime talk shows!!!!! really? what about i know i’m beautiful and i don’t require drunkened validation.  these people just have no idea! I AM A DIVA!

so, i work at barnes and noble cafe.  it is often an entertaining and amusing job, but not for conventional reasons.  on occasion, however, an attractive patron ventures through the doors and lingers long enough for us to admire.  such an occasion has been happening more frequently (a sole patron).  the admiration has occurred from afar, ventured into casual conversation, and is now at the point where i’m sneaking peeks through the strategically placed bakery boxes.  i would not quite call it an obsession, but as finals will be over in a few days and he will no longer spend his evenings studying within stalking distance i’m torn.  dare i actually attempt maintaining a conversation that lasts past the occasional musings of how our days are going?  i mean, he is adorable and i am leaving in a few short weeks. well, today is wednesday…that means that tomorrow i need to do something (and by something i mean something more than looking him up on facebook…yes, i did that).  admitting that i’ve done it somehow makes it seem wrong…anyway, what exactly does one do in this particular situation?  i’m inept when it comes to actual human interaction beyond the casual greetings and salutaions.  i can ponder the concept of an interaction, but that’s where it all ends.

sidebar: i am such a dork!!!!!

at this point he happens to be sitting not that far away from me and while i can occasionally glance in his direction i lack the ability to actually walk over there, sit down at his table, and spark up what could potentially be an enlightening and engaging conversation.  i’ll just cower further into this book i was reading and pretend that i never even thought about the potential conversation that could have happened if i had the “balls” to begin one.

school is canceled today, yes…the second day of school has been canceled due to tropical storm fay. now, that does not have me upset, but the fact that the view outside still looks like this (see below) does.

this brings me to yet another point, perhaps i should become a meteorologist because in no other profession can you be so drastically wrong so frequently and still have your job!!! while she was expected to make landfall just south of tampa (like around the corner from where I am) she actually landed south of ft. myers which is at least 133 miles away! ARGHHHH…luckily though, this is only the beginning of hurricane season.

as an aside, i watched the boondocks episode last night about hurricane katrina…there are no words, except that i nearly pissed myself

wednesday we spent the day at sea world…and yesterday was recovery day. i took a few pictures…and had cotton candy, which was the highlight for me.

shamu jumped like twice and for $70 i expected more, but this is what it looked like