Existential Crisis

i find myself in a particular state more often that i thought possible.  i’m not certain if there are increasingly more triggers or that the same ones that have always existed happen to be more prevalent in my life, but this state of frustration i visit regularly.  i wish it were a destination i rarely happen to make it to, but it’s more like a weekly & sometimes daily excursion.  every so often i can revisit this place several times within a 24 hour period so maybe it’s a matter of my only thinking that i left when in fact i just happened to be on the outskirts. i wish i could spend less time there.  it’s not like a Caribbean getaway, unless that getaway occurred during the peak of hurricane season with a category 5 about to hit followed by a tsunami and mudslides.  occasionally i find myself drifting towards the location all day long, fighting the magnetism and finally giving in only to find that i want to SCREAM, but i’m surrounded my people who still seem to think i’m relatively sane (they don’t know me that well) and would not be able to handle the nervous breakdown i feel entitled to have on a regular basis.  i would go to the doctor to see if there was something wrong with me, but that would require that i have medical insurance so i’ll continue to self mediate with my favorite bottle glass of wine that doubles as an iron absorption enhancer among other remedies…

I’ve relocated. It’s almost official. As official as it could get because I’m living and working in New Jersey, but I won’t change my license or anything because insurance is cheaper in PA. So much has changed and still so much is exactly the same.  I have so much to say and yet, I don’t want to say anything at all so that I’m able to just live in the moment without spending too much time reflecting and planning.

This is an amazing city with great history and beautiful architecture.  Every time I walk downtown I see another building I’d love to renovate.  So much is happening to bring this city back to the splendor of it’s past.  I want to get involved. We’ll see how it all pans out…

Yesterday was my maiden voyage on the Sus Bus. Yes, that’s the name of the vessel. The pontoon boat owned by my friend & her sugar daddy of a darling husband. I’ve come to realize that I don’t need to have everything myself, I just need access & that I now have. As we cruised along the marina, up the western & northern branches I was reminded of how beautiful the Central Susquehanna valley is. We dropped anchor along the river & jumped in for a dip. Somehow we’d parked next to a rope swing & I wish there were video of the debauchery. I have my 1st injury with a cut from the river rock, but it was well worth it. I wondered why I had not experienced this river more through my childhood. I know that being born on an island, where the water is a dark blue, choppy and sandy at worst & clear blue and calm at best I’ve been a bit apprehensive about dark greenish water. Now, I’m in it to win it. I won’t think about the loch nest monster that may be lurking in the depths or the river snakes or the odd assortment of animals that reside in & utilize the river. I’ll just jump in when it’s hot, cruize along to enjoy the view & swing off of ropes tied to trees for some added excitement all while enjoying the company of my dear friends-fellow Sus Bussers.

Happy New Year!

Since I’ve already done my overview of the things of the past I get to start this year focused on the future.  I’m excited for the amount of traveling I have planned for this year.  So far possible plans include an Easter trip to South Padre Island, Mid May in Aruba for a Bachlorette Party, June wedding in Jersey, Summer Vacation trip with the nieces to either OCMD or NC, Miami/Broward Carnival in October, and somewhere along the lines I have to work in Vegas and Cali to round out my year.

In addition to traveling I plan on finishing my MA degree, writing my thesis and figuring out whether or not I want to enter into a phd program.  Then comes the daunting task of finding gainful and meaningful employment.

Those are all of the predictions I’ll make for myself thus far.  I’m already getting overwhelmed.

i’m headed on a vacation (of sorts) it’s a family vacation (so it’s not really a vacation).  vacations for me tend to be solitary.  my cousin is getting married in less than two weeks and my parents, sisters and I are traveling together for a two week excursion.  i have mixed feelings about this trip.  i have to admit that i am not troubled by the fact that we are all traveling together and if the plane crashes we all die, it has more to deal with spending so much time with them.  not that i don’t love my family…i just don’t know that i want to spend my VACATION time with them.  arghhhh. luckily i have some friends and relatives i do not see often that i can run away to spend time with.  and with all of the nice weather i’ll spend time hiking up and down the mountain taking pictures.  i’m going to have to get a new memory card for the digital camera, a lot of bug spray and sun screen (yes, i will burn)

i doubt i will get to post while i am away, but expect some great pictures around new years