Existential Crisis

It is with great anxiety that I actually publish this post today.  I’m sure that I would probably post one day, but I didn’t think that today would be that day.

I sat with my back pressed against the kitchen cabinet. The cold tile floor pressed up against my bare legs. Soft somber whimpers and sniffles barely audible, while my heart screamed in agony. Creeks overheard as he tossed from room to room. I stared emptily at the mirror, the stairs reflected at me. The cabinet to my left opened without the slightest sound. I nudged the bottle of Jamaican Rum to the side, with less than two shots it was not going to do the job. A statuesque bottle of vodka taunted me from the back of the cabinet. My arm reached up to the countertop and fumbled with the plastic cup. For an instant, I stared intently at my conquest. The pain intensified with each palpitation of my heart; I sought numbness.

I twisted the cap back and forth until the cork popped. A familiar aroma infused the air around me with its infectious aura. With the cup strategically positioned in my left hand, I clutched the bottle in my right. With ease, I poured its contents into the cup until it reached the brim. My breaths quickened to an incessant panting. December 15^th December 16^th December 17^th The dates roared around in my head. A tear trickled down my cheek landing in the crease of my frown–the salty taste yet another reminder. I stared down at the clear liquid in the cheap plastic cup and raised it to my mouth. A bitter burning sensation trickled down my trachea igniting a fire to burn out the pain. Each remaining gulp decreased in intensity. By the second cupful the burning was replaced with a warming numbness and the pain replaced with anger.

so we have three dogs…sam is the horny old man.  recently we got two more dogs (lexi is 2years and ginger is 9 months old).  sam does not pay much attention to lexi, but when lexi and ginger get to playing it seems to arouse sam because the horny old man gets to humping. he’s fixed and we’ve never had this problem, but all of a sudden he’s ready to jump her every five seconds.  as i sit here on the chair he’s mounted her four times already.  she’s just trying to play tug-of-war with me and not paying him any mind.  the best part…and this really is funny…the horny old man is too old to stand on his hind legs so even if he could get in the right position he can’t stand up to do anything.

gotta love the horny old man!!!

i’m back in pa and with this return home comes the good, the bad, and the ugly.  i’ll start with the good, becuase it is usually the best place to begin.  i’ve got my family (wait, they are actually in all three categories, but we got that out of the way); my friends (some of whom i am more excited to spend a significant amount of time with in the immediate future); and the fact that while it may seem like this is the middle of nowhere it takes just a short and scenic trip (and yes, i consider driving 3 hours in a car short) to a few cities on the east coast…each with an international airport.  the bad-well, it’s cold; i have to work (becuase while i live like i have a trust fund my real parents haven’t found me yet to give it to me); and i’m going to be busy with school so that leaves significantly less time to shop (or at least try on shoes).  the ugly is a bit embarassing because i realized that i like someone more than i thought i would have.  i know deep down that it would not make sense attempting to further the relationship beyond an amazing friendship, but something is drawing me towards the precipice.  i’m not trying to cause trouble, i really don’t want to be the that girl…so, i’ll repress my emotions and hope that at some point it’ll come out as great poetry or something.  in the meantime i get to mask my repression with the purchase of more shoes.  in all it’s a win-win situation

so i accidently dialed 911 from my phone.  i now realize the importance of locking the phone.  since i didn’t say anything the 911 dispatcher called me back.  i then had to provide all sorts of information like my name, address and verify that everything was ok.  they still had to send an officer to the house.  so, an hour later (and we don’t live anywhere near the ghetto) a sherrif’s deputy rings the doorbell.  immediately, because nobody would just stop by here randomly i hear “kendy, the door is for you”.  i climb out of bed (yes, i’m already in bed at 6:30pm and answer the door.  the officer was cute, polite, and under different circumstances (ie. nobody else home) i may have asked him if i could see his handcuffs…

i’ve decided to write a remix to jeezy’s hit because it’s not fair that those of us in the suburbs don’t get to put on…

stay tuned because i may just come with a video…apparently posting the lyrics alone will not be as amusing as me rapping my newest diddy inspired remix!!!!