Existential Crisis

just when you think you’ve got things figured out, you’re starting to make sense of what life has placed in your path and you seem to find a clearing in the foggy haze of life–SURPRISE–

i’m not saying that all surprises are bad or un-welcomed, but COME ON!!! I know I’m just complaining and there are so many things in my life I should really just be in the holiday spirit and be thankful for, but I can’t.  I need to bitch and complain because if I didn’t then I’ve be subjecting you to a surprise and you really don’t want that either.

sidebar: i’m drinking a really great bottle (yes, bottle) of wine.  Moscato (my new favorite because it’s light, sweet and smooth going down) FYI the Asti version happens to be all bubbly & like a little celebration in a bottle.

with that i’ve already forgotten what i was complaining about. probably because i’m on my second glass….so take that!

I’ve relocated. It’s almost official. As official as it could get because I’m living and working in New Jersey, but I won’t change my license or anything because insurance is cheaper in PA. So much has changed and still so much is exactly the same.  I have so much to say and yet, I don’t want to say anything at all so that I’m able to just live in the moment without spending too much time reflecting and planning.

This is an amazing city with great history and beautiful architecture.  Every time I walk downtown I see another building I’d love to renovate.  So much is happening to bring this city back to the splendor of it’s past.  I want to get involved. We’ll see how it all pans out…

yesterday evening i didn’t feel too well so i went to bed a bit earlier than usual (which means i was in bed before 7pm). i knew that going to sleep would mean i would be awake just after midnight ready to start my day and tired again before it actually began.  i found a novel i didn’t know i owned.  it was the type of book i generally would not read.  i’m not trying to come across as a literary snob because i am a fan of chic lit, but i oftentimes reconcile the genre as a modern reflection of the 19th century novels by women.  at any rate, there i was in bed reading a graphic ghetto novel.  by the third chapter i was entranced.  the writing style was basic, but that made it so much easier for me superimpose myself and my concept of the characters as i read.  by 11pm i lay the book back on the shelf smiling at the predictable but heartwarming ending.  i had laughed out loud and several times felt the tears welling up in my eyes.  i would not say this was the best novel i’d ever read, but last night i was moved by it.  maybe it had as much to do with my own life as it did the story as i could see parts of myself–my past, present and future–in the young heroine.  regardless, it was a reminder of why i love to read.  the joy i get from deeply submerging myself in the text and becoming something more that i ever imagined i could be is inexplicable.  within the finely crafted literature my life has intertwined with historical figures and fictional characters.  most importantly it is through the reflections of them that i learn more about myself and begin to see not only who i am, but who i long to be…

this has nothing to do with coming out of them…it’s about going in and coming out fabulously dressed.

in a discussion about my new home. yes, you heard that right.  i’m going to have a new place.  i was trying to figure out my storage capacity.  i will be adding two walk-in closets (one for each bedroom) but, apparently it will not be enough space.  well, that is according to Avon who said:

“you would have to develop a system that would rival the dewey decimal system”

really? do i have that much stuff?  the answer i am afraid is yes.  the problem is that i feel like i need all most of it.  what happens if i give away that black blazer (which i would never do) and one day i decide that a pair of white jeans, a black and white striped shirt, and some black riding boots would be a great outfit with said blazer? what if??? how am i going to survive such a fashion dilemma? luckily, that will not happen because I have decided that rather than two equally sized walk-in closets the one in MY bedroom with have an extra 10 sq ft. HAHAHAHA take that! in addition I will keep my out of season wardrobe in storage (my parent’s attic) (an undisclosed location).

most of my afternoon yesterday was spent waiting for the rain.  i get these text messages from the national weather center (i almost made that sound important, but you sign up for them) letting me know when their is a watch or warning issued in my area.  there were a few yesterday.  first there was the thunderstorm watch, the thunderstorm warning and finally the tornado warning.  with quite a few hills and valleys in the area tornadoes are not commonplace.  i was soo excited.  i wanted to jump in the big GMC Sierra and go storm chasing.  strangely though, the sky seemed as if a storm would not come.  so we waited.  when the dark clouds began to form to the west i called my neighbor to let them know they should put up their windows.  but we still waited.  an hour passed.  we waited.  then i looked out over the cemetery (yes, i live across the street from one) and just over the hill the dark clouds hurried towards us.  amidst the darkness were swirls of lighter clouds.  the beginning.  for a good twenty minutes we stood watching and waiting–i was hoping.  meanwhile i knew that the rain would not yet come.  we watched in awe as the clouds danced over the treetops–swirling in their magnificent glory.  somewhere inside i hoped that like dorothy the tornado would form and take me to the land of oz.  that didn’t happen.  eventually the rain came.  after a much anticipated arrival, complete with thunder, lightning and wind–it came.  i waited no longer.  then the basement flooded so i spent the rest of my evening cleaning up the mess.  for some reason thunderstorms just aren’t what they used to be