frustration
i find myself in a particular state more often that i thought possible. i’m not certain if there are increasingly more triggers or that the same ones that have always existed happen to be more prevalent in my life, but this state of frustration i visit regularly. i wish it were a destination i rarely happen to make it to, but it’s more like a weekly & sometimes daily excursion. every so often i can revisit this place several times within a 24 hour period so maybe it’s a matter of my only thinking that i left when in fact i just happened to be on the outskirts. i wish i could spend less time there. it’s not like a Caribbean getaway, unless that getaway occurred during the peak of hurricane season with a category 5 about to hit followed by a tsunami and mudslides. occasionally i find myself drifting towards the location all day long, fighting the magnetism and finally giving in only to find that i want to SCREAM, but i’m surrounded my people who still seem to think i’m relatively sane (they don’t know me that well) and would not be able to handle the nervous breakdown i feel entitled to have on a regular basis. i would go to the doctor to see if there was something wrong with me, but that would require that i have medical insurance so i’ll continue to self mediate with my favorite bottle glass of wine that doubles as an iron absorption enhancer among other remedies…